APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________
HOME ADDRESS________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________
If NO, please explain_________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married________________________________
If less than your age, explain________________________________________                                                                                                       Do you own a van? _______________
A truck with oversized tires? _______________
A waterbed? _______________
A pickup with a mattress in the back? _______________
A condom? _______________
Pornography? _______________
Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?_______________
A tattoo? _______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?__________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?_____________________________________________________________________                                                                                                               In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?                                                    _____________________________________________________________________
Church you attend _____________________________________________________
How often you attend __________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
priest? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: _____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: _____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the: _______________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: _____________________________________________________________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is: _____________________________________________________________________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________                                                                _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

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